Thankful

I have so much to be thankful for, and I am pretty good at being thankful for the obvious things. But...I need to do better at being thankful for the blessings in disguise that often get overlooked. If I didnt have floors to mop and tubs to scrub then I obviously would not have a home. If I didnt have shirts to iron & a lunch to pack then I obviously wouldnt have a husband who works hard for me every day. If I didnt have the queasies then I wouldnt have a tiny babe growing in my tummy. If I didnt have a mountain of laundry then there wouldnt be anyone to wear & dirty the tiny socks & soft pj's.

I am so so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with my precious family. I love Shane & the boys so much & I could not even imagine a second of a life without them. I am sad for people who dont have what I have.

Life Right Now

I feel like life has changed so much the past few weeks. We did decide to enroll Brendan in school. we were hoping to wait a while but he was being increasingly difficult regarding his schoolwork and he asked if he could go now. He seems so, so happy about his choice. I have mixed feelings. I believe homeschooling is best and I feel very guilty for not making it work. But it just didnt seem fair to keep him in a home full of toddlers all day. The first day I took him to school I came home and started to pack away our homeschool materials and thats when the tears started!

B going to school has really changed our day. It has helped me be more disciplined about getting up, dressed, room cleaned, breakfast prepped, & laundry started before the kids wake up. I also have much more time for the little ones & I am hoping this helps their behavior some. I have a huge chunk of time (naptime) to clean up or rest and then we go pick him up. The structure so far is nice; I was feeling like a slacker before. But I do miss him a lot. And right now I should be playing with the kids but I am hiding out on the computer.

The pregnancy is going well, I am starting to feel a little better but I am still pretty tired.

3 years old!

Isnt he beautiful! Yesterday Nathan Joseph Michael turned 3! He has become such a big boy and he continues to make me laugh every single day! Nathan was only my youngset for a short time but in my heart he is still a baby to me! He loves trains and books, cars and animals. He is a wild animal one minute and a cuddle bug the next! Happy Birthday baby boy! Mama loves you so very much!

2 years ago...

Two years ago today Double Trouble made their grand entrance into the world! Cameron John and Benjamin James are 2 years old today! Happy Birthday my amazing, beautiful, silly, unique, smart, sweet, cuddly, energetic, crazy baby boys! Mama loves you more then words can ever say!!

A full family weekend!

We had so much fun as a family this weekend! Friday night Brendan's practice was cancelled so Shane went out and gut Arby's for dinner- nothing like fast food to start the weekend off right!! At least I ate a turkey sandwich! The kids all went to bed & we watched a movie together.

Saturday we went to the petting zoo & pumpkin patch & the kids had a great time. Nathan was just in love with the little goats! He was so excited that they would eat from his hand. Shane grilled our dinner & it was so good!

Sunday we all headed to the baseball field to watch B play. There were acorns to collect & a nice dirt pile to play in! And Brendan hit a 3 run homer, pitched a one hitter, and made some really amazing plays! He is such a little star!

We went out for pizza with a family of friends and it was really yummy! When we came home we played outside until the sun went down! So many people tell us we need to get away from our kids.....why????? They are the most fun people I know! Sure they are hard work but they make me laugh & smile like no one else on earth! Shane and I are bored when just one of them goes off to visit grandma for an afternoon! The few times we have gone out to dinner or something we always end up saying "The kids would love .... " or "Can you imagine if the kids were here"

Changes

Its amazing how one week you think your life is going one direction and then something happens that turns you a totally different way. I had begun to feel so at peace with our family of six and really happy about our boys growing & becoming more independent. And now..... baby number 5 is on the way. Wow. 5 kids? I am overwhelmed with the 4 I have. This is such a shock! I know this is a wonderful blessing but I cant help but be totally freaked about all the 'logistics'.

*I dont think Benjamin will handle this well at all. He is my baby in every way. Nathan will be thrilled- he loves babies, Cameron I am not so sure!

The most difficult part will be that we may end up sending Brendan back to school. I want what is best for him and if I am not going to be able to give him that then I need to realize it & do the right thing. I am also struggling with wondering if it is really fair to keep him home with a house full of babies & toddlers rather then kids his own age.

Weaning

My precious babies Cameron & Benjamin have been on the road to weaning for a little while now and I am pretty sure it may be over :-( It has been a long, bumpy, amazing road that we have traveled together. Nursing them did not come easily and I am so glad we stuck it out.

Things had been different for about 2 months- they didnt have much interest and when they did nurse they spent very little time latched and suckling, and most of the time being silly. I could tell that my supply was taking a dive.

Also, Nathan had been terribly jealous and this had been upsetting me. I have felt so much guilt over his early weaning and this was not helping at all.

I had decided to continue or morning and evening sessions as long as they asked. Well, Benjamin has always been the asker- Cameron just joins in. On September 28th I just really felt the need to nurse them one on one rather then tandeming. So I did and I spent those moments thinking about how they looked as they nursed. They nursed together for a few minutes that night.

They have not initiated nursing since. I do not even have a little engorgment which supports my thoughts that my supply had died. I honestly feel as though I am in mourning. I have been physically connected to these babies every single day for almost 2 years and now it may be over. My heart is so heavy and I am feeling very guilty that I have not done more to make it last longer.

A Lovely Monday

In my ongoing efforts to create a peaceful home life I am slowly considering & trying out a Charlotte Mason type homeschool with Brendan. It seems overall to really fit in to the way I want to educate him. I admit I dont know much about it yet but the more I read the more I like. Our day so far:


I heard little noises from the bedroom so I helped Nathan make his bed and the twins get up and come down to the playroom where we change diapers and get settled with a few toys. I went back upstairs and opened their bedroom windows to let the fresh air in. Brendan was going about his Morning routine as well. making his bed, getting dressed, and reading his Bible.

I made a quick breakfast of oatmeal, yogurt, and smoothies. The twins are just getting the hang of using a spoon! After we ate I dressed all the little ones and set Brendan up with his copywork. He did a beautiful job! When he did his math lesson I spent some time with the littles looking at our letter cards, doing finger plays, and reading books.

After morning school we went outside to enjoy the beautiful weather. The boys spent an hour pulling each other in their 2 little red wagons. They searched around the yard for grasses, leaves, and sticks that looked different and filled a wagon with these treasures. Then we came in to prepare lunch and Nathan threw a nice fit!

Lunch was sandwiches, fresh strawberries, and carrot sticks- which Brendan snuck into the trash. Then littles went down for a nap and Brendan finished his schoolwork with Reading, Narration, and Geography. I read some more from my Bible and folded diapers while I sat with him.

Now he is tidying his bedroom and I am here! I am hopeful for a great afternoon spent playing outside. When Shane gets home he will grill our dinner which we will eat with baked beans and yummy watermelon!

A Happy Childhood

One of my greatest goals right now is to give my boys a happy childhood. I want them to love passionaltely, laugh constantly, and live each day for the glory of God. I want them to delight in each simple thing he has given us.
Today we were outside, the little ones running around, Brendan working on his nature journal. Brendan had chosen to write about the roots of the tree that shades our play area. He studied them closely, feeling the rough bark and cool moss. The little ones delighted in tiny baby crickets that hopped onto the sidewalk when we walked through the grass. They tried so hard to catch them & the poor lone cricket that was finally caught found his way to Nathan's digestive system :-S

We collected the leaves that had recently started to fall, trying to find & compare as many colors as possible. Some leaves were simply breathtaking- they must have been in their color changing process because they looked almost like tie dyed. Our God is an amazing artist!

At naptime Brendan and I were inspired by our leaf collection to make beautiful pictures of trees and attach our leaf collection to the paper.

there was so much beauty in our day.

8 years ago today...

My precious first born son took his first breath. Brendan has taught me more about love, laughter, joy, and humbleness then any other person I know. When I held that tiny baby I didnt know why God would trust me with something so precious. Now he is becoming a young man right before my eyes. Brendan- I love you more then words can say. Happy Birthday B!

Our Vacation

It has been almost a week since we returned home from our beach vacation and things are back to normal so much so that it seems like a distant memory. What a wonderful time we had! It was pure joy to spend so much time together as a family.

The boys had a great time. The little ones loved eating sand and dumping it on their heads. They also rode their first kiddie rides at the Boardwalk.

Brendan was such a big kid- riding the waves and his first Upside Down Roller Coaster!

I loved staying in our small 2 bedroom condo- there was something so quaint and peaceful about tucking all our children into bed in the same room and having them eat, play, & read in such close quarters. It really made out own home seem huge. I wonder if I would enjoy such close quarters for day to day living?

On the way home Shane surprised us by stopping at a park in a tiny country town so we could eat lunch and stretch our legs. It was so wonderful it felt like a dream. I am so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with my husband &children. I am so in love with all of them that I feel as if my heart could burst.

Our Anniversary

Today Shane and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary. There just arent words to describe the importance of this day. Being Shane's wife if the most important part of my life, aside from worshipping the Lord. I love this man so very much! He is everything I ever dreamed of.
We did have lovely dinner plans but Brendan has decided to act out badly today and we will not be able to go. I am sad, but we will still spend time together this evening. He sent me 2 dozen beautiful pink roses today- my favorite color!

My beloved

I am spending today preparing for Fathers Day Weekend. I want the house in perfect condition so that my wonderful husband feels relaxed all weekend long. I am so blessed to call this man my husband. He is an amazing husband, father, provider, and most of all a man of God. He loves the Lord so deeply it is constantly inspiring.

  I have so much joy in my husband! I always want to find ways to show him I love him even during the day when he is not here.

I always try to greet him at the car with saying "I am so happy you're home". Before he arrives I get the children set up with activities, do a quick check that the house is in order, meet him at the car and listen to him talk about his day as he unpacks his bag and changes clothes. I dont call the children to dinner until he's ready- but usually he can't wait to see them so he brings them to the table on his own. His face just glows when the little ones hug him around the legs yelling "Daddy, Daddy"

I am so thankful for my sweet husband. I can never express it enough, there just arent words! I am honored to be his wife and the mother of his children and the person he calls his best friend.

Nathans room

 

Praising His Holy Name!

Benjamin's pathology report came in today and his mass is officially benign. I cried tears of joy! Thank you sweet Lord for blessing my baby boy with health & healing. You have carried us through this little adventure and we have come out the other end with a greater appreciation for for all the wonderful gifts the Lord has given us. When I was praying for the best but preparing for the worst I kept saying in my head "The Lord giveth & the Lord taketh away" because I knew that Benjamin was completely in His hands.
Now I can give thanks and rejoice that Ben is not sick! He is well, praise the Lord!

Benjamin update

Benjamin's drain was removed today! This makes it so much easier to care for him! The doctor reasured us once again that the mass was probably a clump of blood vessels and the pathology should come back clean. We should have confirmation by Friday.

Daily life has really been thrown off by Ben's care. I am really looking forward to getting back into our routine and enjoying our relaxing summer! We are expecting company this weekend so I will start preparing & planning for that. And maybe I'll actually complete my to-do list for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks!

Today after Ben's appointment I did some yardwork and Shane has been laying new wood chips in the play area. What an amazing daddy!

A Lovely Day

Ben just does not seem to realize he just had surgery! He is running everywhere. In an effort to keep him still we went out to run errands so he could have a nice long stroller ride. During out shopping we stopped for a lovely lunch at Panera Bread. I like it there so much more then traditional fast food, especially because they serve organics in their kid's meals.

The little ones were just so so well behaved  I had a wonderful time with my sweet family! Then when we were packing up the van to leave, my cell phone fell out of the diaper bag and Shane ran it over with the van :-(

Benjamin the Brave!

Ben's surgery went very well. He arrived at Hopkins at 10am and went back to the OR around 12. Daddy carried him back and remained at his side until he was fully sedated, then he had to leave. It was very hard to see my strong husband cry when he came out of the room. We ate lunch and sat in the waiting room but we didnt talk much. I was getting antsy when the 1 hour mark came &went but we were informed that the mass was a little larger then expected but things were going smoothly. Around 2 Dr. Lau came out and told us that the surgery was sucessfull, Ben needed a drain since the area was larger then anticipated, but they were confident the mass was a hemangioma and the results will be benign. This was wonderful to hear but I dont think I will be fully relieved until we confirm it next week.

Ben looked a little pitiful in recovery but after some pain meds he calmed down and we took him home. He spent most of the ride eating animal crackers and raisins. When we got home he was playing like normal- this scared me b/c I am afraid he will get hurt! Shane has been amazing and doing most of the dressing and changing b/c he is a little more relaxed about it. I dont know what I'd do without my wonderful husband.

Ben is on oxycodone and tylenol for pain and we will start weaning him off on Monday. He goes in to have his drain removed on Wednesday!

Praise our Heavenly Father for blessing our family so abundanty. Benjamin is such a precious gift from God!

Ben's appointment

We met with the pediatric surgeon at Hopkins on Friday. I completely expected them to say that the lump was clearly a cyst and could be easily removed. Instead they said they could not tell if it was a cyst or a solid mass so we were sent for an ultrasound. We ended up going to 3 radiology places because of insurance issues. Finally ending up at Advanced where my mom's friend works and was able to get us on the schedule. Thank God for placing her there.

So we found out that the lump is a complex, solid, vascular mass and we will not know if it is benign or malignant until it is removed and biopsied. This was not what we wanted to hear and it has hit us hard. However we know that God is faithful and His plan is perfect so we go forth praying that Benjamin will be ok. My head knows the Lord is in control, My head knows that Benjamin is really only loaned to me. But knowing this does not stop my heart from hurting and praying with all that I am that my precious son will be ok.

My kitchen

 

Benjamin

On Mothers Day (5-13-07) Chris noticed a large lump on Ben where the chest & armpit meet. It is about golf ball size. I took him to the doctor the next day (Monday 5-14) and she was quite concerned. She believes it is a soft tissue mass or cyst that needs surgery to remove it. I took him to have bloodwork done on Tuesday and he was so brave! He did not cry at all! His results are due in today and we are praying that they are normal. We visit the pediatric surgeon at John Hopkins tomorrow morning. I am so thankful that we live close to some of the best medical care in the world when we need it! I am also thankful that things are moving so quickly.